If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
