Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
