You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
