I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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