he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
