On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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