Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
