I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
