Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
