Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
