You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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