Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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