Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
