I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
