I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
