People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
