It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
