It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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