Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
