i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Vodka?
Forever.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
