flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Couch. On fire.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I wear drunk well.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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