I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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