If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
