My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
