Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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