We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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