If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
