I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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