I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
