how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
