Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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