Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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