he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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