be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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