That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
