Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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