I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
