my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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