I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
