the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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