return my video game
420 ftw
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
