Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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