Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
this hospital has no fireball
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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