Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
