My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
