you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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