Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
