u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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