i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
