lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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